when I look back...

well, it's 2012 already... this year I'll be 24 years old. haha...^^ I'm not a naive yet impulsive little teenager anymore. but maybe I am still a lil' bit naive and as impulsive as I was before. :) 

there are so many thing that I've been through as I live my life... I've been changing and changing through all the process in life... but still, in the end, I am who I am right now. and the ME now is a lil' bit different then how I was and a lil' bit different then how I'm going to be in the future... well, not all aspect in ME have changed. there are still some that keep intact and unchanging through all these years... but then again, I can't really say so, for I can't really differentiate which is which... 

ahahaha... I'm being confusing right now. my words seem to be more complicated that I meant it to be. as for now, I want to tell you a story... about my short (*or long??) conversation with one of my close friend. several days ago, we've been talking about our life changing experiences last year... and at that time, I told him that this Christmas holiday, I realized something important. I've been trying too hard to change my careless way of life, that I became way too serious and forget how to enjoy my life... at that time, I envied my old self which was so careless and joyful. I was a risk taker or to better put it "I never think before I act". ahaha... that life was so chaotic and full of mistakes, but enjoyable... I have some regrets indeed, but not in sense that I want to go back and change everything in my life. I thought how great it'd be if I could be the same person again, the one who was so careless with happy go lucky personality... 

but then again, that's how I WAS not how I AM. I need to accept the reality that I've changed. there's no use to it, if I'm being depressed wanting to be my old self again. all I need to do now is not just looking back all the time. I think, this is a moment that can change my life once more. whether I want to be serious or careless, I need to face the present time and go through this process. well, let's just enjoy this 2012 and welcome all that may come this year with hope, faith and love. the three things that'll keep you smile in the middle of disaster, for with those things you know that there's still something good even in the worst situation. (*.*)